Hi, this is Linda Szmulewitz, owner of Sleep Tight Consultants. Thanks for joining us here on the Sleepy Qs podcast. If you’ve been a regular listener or if this is your first episode, we’d love for you to share your five-star review for us. So please go on the app where you listen to your podcasts and write up a review. If you’ve been enjoying this podcast, and if it’s provided you with helpful information, we’d love to hear from you. Also, please make sure that if you would like to have specific topics discussed on the podcast in an episode, please send us an email through the contact form on our website: www.sleepyqs.com. Thanks.
On today’s Sleepy Qs episode, we are going to be discussing myths that surround sleep for children. So there are a few very specific myths that I’m going to go through, but then we’re also going to talk about some myths that surround sleep training, really misconceptions, as I sort of think of them, and then things that you’re going to hear from every parent that everyone is going to tell you. And of course these people are very well-meaning, but these are things that people will tell you that are actually not true.
I’m going to start off by just outlining what some of these myths are, and then I’ll get more into detail about why these are actually myths and why these are things that actually should not have a negative impact on your child’s sleep or be things that you need to do in order to make your child sleep better.
So those first 4 prevailing myths are 1. that you need to give your baby formula in order for them to sleep better, specifically if your child is a breastfed baby. The second myth is that you need to give your baby rice cereal. If they aren’t sleeping well, now it’s going to help them sleep better. The next one is that if you deprive your child of sleep during the day, then they will sleep better at night. And the last one is that if you put your baby on a four hour feeding schedule during the day, this will lead to longer stretches of sleep overnight.
Myth #1: Only formula will help your baby sleep
Starting here with the myth that you need to give your breastfed baby formula in order to help them sleep better. This is absolutely a myth breastfed babies can sleep just as well as formula fed babies. I have worked with thousands of breastfed babies that learned to be excellent sleepers. I also have two of my own children who were exclusively breastfed and became great sleepers. So there’s absolutely no need if your child is breastfeeding for them to have formula in order for them to sleep better.
First and foremost, formula is a foreign substance that you would be introducing into your child’s system if they’re not used to formula. And for many babies, when they get that foreign substance, it can cause a lot of gaseous and constipation. And so in many instances, you’ll hear the recommendation that you should give your baby a bottle of formula before bedtime. When in fact that’s actually the absolute worst time to introduce such formula because that’s, like I said, a foreign substance and gassiness and constipation are not generally the sort of thing that you want to have be disrupting your child’s sleep at bedtime.
It is true that babies, especially in the first three months, we’ll cluster feed in the evening, they are the most hungry at the end of the day because they are storing up for their long stretch of sleep that’s coming that night. If you’re breastfeeding, you’ve probably figured out that your milk supply starts to dip as you move into the end of the day, which is very poorly timed for when babies, all of a sudden, decide they want to eat so much more. So if you do feel like your supply is particularly low, some moms I know will give a bottle of pumped milk at that time. If you don’t pump them, that is an opportunity that you might give your baby formula then. But again, I wouldn’t all of a sudden experiment with formula right before bed. If that’s not something your baby is used to.
So maybe if you’re going to be introducing that, you introduce it earlier in the day to see how it’s going to go. Nonetheless, it’s absolutely not a requirement. And like I said, exclusively breastfed babies can sleep just as well as formula fed babies.
Myth #2: Rice cereal will help your baby sleep
The myth that you need to give your baby rice cereal. I feel like is one that comes from well-meaning aunties, but it’s really absolutely not something that’s necessary. So for those of you who don’t even know what rice cereal is, which is understandable because many children are not eating rice cereal these days, rice cereal has often been introduced as a first food.
Again, first foods are sometimes really reserved until closer to six months and this rice cereal recommendation is often given for babies under six months. But rice cereal is introduced as a first food because it’s something that there’s a very low likelihood that your child is going to have an allergic reaction to. And it’s thought that it’s something that’s going to fill your baby up. When in fact rice cereal is carbs, it’s really just empty calories. And it’s not something that causes children to sleep better. In addition, when you’re feeding rice cereal, if you’re going to introduce this as a first food, you want to feed it to your child on a spoon, but the recommendation to give rice cereal to help children sleep better is often made where parents are instructed to put rice cereal in the bottle, which you then often have to cut a bigger hole in the bottle nipple because it doesn’t fit through. And it kind of clogs it up. Really again, it’s empty carbs. It’s very, constipating, it causes a lot of gassiness. It’s not something that you want to have happen right now as your child is going to sleep. And most importantly, it does not cause them to sleep better. One of the things that often happens is that babies will start to sleep better around six months, which happens to coincide with when they are starting solid food.
But this is one of those situations where it’s correlative but not causative. And what that means is that right around six months, in general, many children can actually start to become much better sleepers just as a result of brain development. And the fact that sleep can start to really sort itself out for many children around six months. And that happens to also coincide with when they’re starting to eat more solid food. But again, not because of the solid food. As far as the rice cereal, I’ve had it happen several times where I’ll be working with a family and I’m reading on their feeding and sleeping record that the baby has a bottle with rice cereal at bedtime.And I’ll say to the parents, “so, you know, what’s with the rice cereal?” And this in the cases that I’ve had it happen, it’s like a 10 month old. So not a child who, you know, hasn’t been eating other solid food. And the parents will say, “Oh, well, everybody told us that we should put rice cereal in our baby’s bottle so that they would sleep better” and always say, well, so we’re sitting here, we’re having this conversation, we’re having a sleep consultation because your child isn’t sleeping well. So to me, that’s an indication that the race really wasn’t helping much. And then they realize, Oh, good point. And they cut it out. And because of the behavioral changes that we’re making, then their child starts to sleep better and it has nothing to do with the rice cereal.
Myth #3: Less sleep during the day = more sleep at night
The third myth is that if you deprive your child of sleep during the day, then they will sleep better at night. So, this is absolutely not the case and anybody who’s had a baby can pretty much attest to the fact that babies get very overtired very quickly. And what this means is that when your child has been awake for longer than what their appropriate sleep window is for their age, that over tiredness causes their brain to produce cortisol, which is a stress hormone that makes it really hard for your child to fall asleep and stay asleep. It inhibits their sleep. And so if you’re deliberately trying to not let your child sleep during the day, it’s actually probably going to backfire meaning that now they’re so overtired, they’re so cranky that they actually have a harder time napping in general, and then their night’s sleep will be a disaster.
Now I do want to clarify that there are many children specifically in the 8 to 12 to 15 week range, that actually can start to become pretty good sleepers at night. What I typically will see is that they’re sleeping along stretch from whatever bedtime is through that first wake up. And then they go back to whatever they’re waking and eating pattern is from the day. But in many of those instances, moms will say, well, my baby’s sleeping really well at night. That’s going really well. I can’t complain. We’re getting maybe an eight to 10 hour stretch, like something fantastic, but they’re not napping at all. During the day. You’re getting a lot of 30 minute naps, if you’re lucky, 45 minute naps, but those naps are super short, but this isn’t because. Those parents are deliberately depriving their child of sleep during the day. This is because naps are really very difficult for younger babies. They often don’t come together until children get closer to four to six months.
So please go back and listen to the podcast episode about short naps so that you can understand more about why those short naps are happening. But again, I would not deliberately keep your child awake during the day so that now they’ll sleep better at night. This is something that as they get older as their brain matures, they can start to nap better during the day. And they can still sleep well at night. And, surprising to many new parents, especially children need a significant amount of sleep during the day. And they need still a lot at night as well. This is really the whole sleep begets sleep concept that comes into play.
Myth #4: 4 hour feeding schedule improves sleep
The last myth is that if you put your child on a 4 hour feeding schedule, that now they will sleep longer stretches at night. So for anybody, who’s read the book 12 hours by 12 weeks, this is what is discussed in that book. Anybody who knows me or who’s heard me speak, I’m not a particularly big fan of that book. I feel that that the whole title of it is really just a up. So, what if your baby is 12 weeks and they’re not sleeping 12 hours, have you somehow failed? And I would say, absolutely not. It’s not developmentally appropriate for children to sleep 12 hours by 12 weeks old. Yes. There are some children who will do that, but not most. And if your baby’s doing that great, but if your child is not, please don’t expect that that is the norm that you are expected to be trying to get to at that point. In this book, they talk about putting babies on a 4 hour feeding schedule. And if you are breastfeeding, you’ve probably realized that it’s really hard for breastfed babies to make it 4 hours between feedings.
I would argue that even some formula fed babies have a hard time making it 4 hours between feedings during the day. I’m thinking of one family that I have worked with in particular, whose baby is healthy and growing, and she just turned 6 months and she eats very well, but she really struggles to make it 4 hours between feedings. Just as we’re getting to 6 months now, she’s starting to be able to make it for hours and she’s starting to be able to take in those larger 8 ounce bottles. But this is hard to do for younger babies. In particular for babies that are under 4 months, if you’re trying to stretch them to 4 hours during the day, if you can even make it there, that’s a really long time for them to go. And then I find that they’re not actually getting enough feeding during the day. So one, are they going to wake up and want that feeding? Overnight. I really encourage parents to feed babies as much as they can during the day, usually every 2 to 3 hours. So that now at night they can go those longer stretches. Because your child needs a certain number of calories over a 24 hour period. And if they’re not getting them during the day, you’d better bet they’re going to wake up for them at night.
So that was a pretty general overview of what those myths are that I hear from many families, but are also just things that are kind of talked about in general. That I wanted everybody to be aware of so that you can understand that those really are myths. Those are not things that you are required to do or not do in order to help your child become a good sleeper.
Overall sleep training method myths
I did want to also address just some overall myths about sleep training. So as everybody has probably already realized there are millions of books and blogs and websites, and just information out there about sleep training. And there are all sorts of names of different sleep training methods. And parents will often come to me and say, well, “what about this method? Or what about that method?” and the reality is is that there are really just a three ways to change sleep behavior in children and any books out there, anybody that says that there are different ways than these 3 are really just variations on those 3. And so all sorts of different, you know, authors of books will come up with different names for different methods.
And really, again, just variation. So there is extinction, which means that you say goodnight, I love you. And you put your child in bed and you leave and you don’t come back until the morning. I think of this as sort of the quick and dirty way to change sleep behavior. It does work for many children, for children who are a little bit more persistent it’s harder for. And also I find it’s really hard for parents. This is also of course, referred to as cried out. But it can be effective for some children.
What I think of as sort of the middle ground is what’s known as graduated extinction. This is what Ferber talks about in his book, Solving your Child’s Sleep Problems. And this involves putting your child down, leaving and coming back over intervals of time.And the idea is that those intervals get longer and longer. And eventually your child falls asleep in between one of those interval checks. So this I would say is probably the method that’s written most about and talk most about.
And there are the most number of names for it out there. But in general, it’s all really just referring to graduated extinction. So some methods talk about saying different things, when you come in at those intervals. Different books, talk about coming in at different times based on, you know, where you’re at in the night, or maybe based on the day you’re at. Which really doesn’t make that much of a difference I find because babies can’t tell time and they don’t know, are you on day 1? And now you’re, you know, in the middle of the night or is it bedtime? Are you on day 4? And truthfully, those are really hard concepts to wrap your brain around when you are really truly so tired. So all of it is really extinction when it comes down to it. In fact, I don’t actually have families use graduated extinction for children over about 8 months old, because this is where you’re starting to get into separation anxiety and coming in and out of the room for children once you pass that 8 month mark really causes them to escalate. And particularly if you try this with toddlers, they will throw themselves around. Maybe force themselves to throw up, become really destructive when you’re coming in and out like that.
And then lastly, there’s behavioral fading, which is what Kim West, the Sleep Lady really talks about and Good Night Sleep Tight. And there are books that call it camping out. In the No Cry Sleep Solution, she uses a very, very, very gradual form of behavioral fading, to ideally not produce any crying, although anybody who knows me knows that I feel pretty strongly that if you’ve ever done anything to help your child fall asleep at bedtime when you go to make a change to that, they’re going to experience that as being frustrating. And you’re probably going to have some crying, how much, really varies based on a number of factors.
Anyway so those are really the three methods and anybody that says that there are other methods. Pay attention because they’re probably a variation of one of those three, essentially what you’re doing when you’re changing sleep behavior is that you are minimizing intermittent reinforcement. And you’re either doing that by being present or not present or a little bit present in and out. But other than that, it’s not magic. There are not a million different ways to change it. What you’re really doing is you’re responding consistently and having a plan for how to do that is what’s going to help you be successful. And not because you’ve tried some fancy method that suddenly made it work.
Put them to bed later, they wake later??
The last couple of things that I wanted to touch on are that in many cases, if you have a child who wakes up particularly early in the morning, eventually you’re going to come across a parent or a well-meaning friend or relative who tells you, “well, if you just put them to sleep later, then they will wake up later.” which unfortunately is really not true. And I think that this is probably the one thing that I talked to more parents about in my last, almost nine years of doing this work. I think it’s the thing that I have the most conversations with parents about. And it’s because it’s really hard to wrap our adult brains around this concept. I think. And in many cases we think to ourselves, Oh, we go to bed later. We wake up later, which is often what we do as adults. And in fact, this is the case for children over about 6 years old. This can actually apply. But for younger children, especially those who are still napping, when they go to sleep too late, or when they’ve been awake for too long between a nap and bedtime now they’re over tired that over tiredness causes their brain to start producing cortisol. That cortisol resurges between 4 and 6 in the morning and causes children to actually wake up even earlier. So. Please, please, please go and listen to the episode on early rising, because this explains this whole concept and why the idea of putting your child to bed later in order for them to wake up later absolutely does not apply.
Full belly makes for longer sleep
And lastly, I just wanted to address the fact that some parents will often feel like they have to help their child be so completely full at bedtime that now they will sleep better overnight. And I understand that, of course, that, you know, with a newborn, you want to make sure that they’ve had enough to eat. That will help them go a little bit longer at night. But we’re talking about maybe, you know, a question of like an hour here or there. But once children are getting older, their feeding schedule during the day has really regulated. They’re eating three meals a day and they’re eating really enough over a 24 hour period. Then it’s really not about what they eat right before they go to bed that helps them then sleep through the night. This is honestly where it really has much more to do with just behavior. And so if your child is eating an appropriate amount during the day, then they should actually be able to sleep enough at night. Now they may have learned hunger at night. I always say to parents, if your child is, you know, over 6 months, you know, we’re talking 9, 10, 11, 12 months, those sorts of ages, and they’re still being fed in the middle of the night. It’s likely that they have learned hunger. I’m just the same way that if somebody started feeding you a sandwich in the middle of the night, you would get hungry too. Oouur body would get used to that, but as children are getting older, they can eat enough food during the day that they don’t actually need to eat overnight. And so it isn’t about what they eat right before they go to sleep that gets them through the night. It’s about what they eat throughout the whole day.
So you don’t need to make sure that you’re stuffing your child so completely full in order for them to sleep at night. In fact, if you have a toddler. You may have already realized that they have very unusual eating habits and often will refuse to eat dinner. And lo and behold, they can do just fine overnight. Now that’s not to say that they may not wake up and tell you that they need food, but that’s a whole different podcast episode, all about toddler behavior.
Thank you so much for tuning into today’s Sleepy Qs episode, all about sleep myths, and children. As I said, at the beginning, please leave us your 5 star review so that we can continue to provide you with all of this great information. Thanks so much for joining.
