Hi, this is Jessica Sawicki from Luli Sleep Consulting. And today on the Sleepy Qs podcast, we’re going to be talking about security objects. Security objects are exactly what it sounds like. An object that gives our child a sense of security. I love security objects because like what it implies, we want to be able to put our child down into their crib and give them something. So that they can feel a sense of security, a sense of safeness when they go from your arms to the crib. It’s the transition phase from mommy or daddy or nanny or grandma, to going into the crib. Knowing that once they’re in their sleep space, they are safe, they’re secure, and they have an object to give them that sense of security and safeness.
Different types of security objects
There are different types of security objects. There is the pacifier, there’s the lovey, the blankie, even thumb-sucking, although not an object, is a way to soothe your child. So let’s talk about each of them. When’s the right moment to introduce and how to remove them.
The pacifier
So the pacifier: I really have a love-hate relationship with the pacifier. I love the pacifier. I strongly suggest them, but after a certain age, I don’t really like them. In the beginning with your newborn, you want it to make sure that your child has established their feeding patterns, that they’re able to suck on the breast or bottle correctly and feed, before you introduce the pacifier. Once that’s been established, you should definitely introduce a pacifier. There are different types and brands , so if the one that you’re using, isn’t the one that your child likes, that’s okay. I would try to find a few others or test a few others to see if there’s one out there that your child likes. Pacifiers are great and strongly suggested those first few months, because it helps reduce the risk of SIDS.
Once your child is out of the newborn stage and entering the infant stage, or entering the sleep training stage, this is where you want to think; do I want to keep the pacifier or not? If you keep the pacifier far beyond 4 or 5, 6 months old, just know that there are a few months where your child will still not be able to reinsert it on his own and you will have to do it for him. So, what does that look like? Around 5 or 6 months old when you do the sleep training, you will keep the pacifier and teach your child how to fall asleep with it in the middle of the night, he’s going to have to look for it and reinsert on his own, but your child cannot do this until he has a pincer grasp, which usually happens around 8 or 9 months. So you will find yourself in this in-between stage from newborn until they’re about 8 or 9 months old, where you will have to reinsert it for him constantly throughout the night. Once your child hits 8 or 9 months old, I strongly suggest putting a few extra in the crib 5, 6, 7, and working on teaching your child to reinsert on his own. So what that looks like is, perhaps putting it in his hand, and then taking his hand and putting it to his mouth. Or during the daytime, sit him down and put a few in front of him, and help him move his hand to find one. Once he puts it in his mouth, help him adjust it. Or in the middle of the night, just scooch them over a little bit and take his hand and guide him. But you do need to get to a point to when you don’t go in anymore and you don’t reinsert it for him. So , If your child is eight or nine months old or older and is still using a pacifier, ask yourself, am I still going in there and reinserting it for him? If you are, you need to stop.
Getting rid of the pacifier
So when do you want to get rid of the pacifier? I suggest waiting until your child is at least three years or older before you remove the pacifier. Don’t remove it under the age of three at two, two and a half. Your toddler does not understand why you’re removing the pacifier, and sometimes sleep starts falling apart. They start refusing naps. They start waking up in the middle of the night. So really if you’re going to keep that pacifier, keep it until he’s three and then remove it. ,But if you’re going to keep it, keep it for those 3 years. But try to limit it only to sleep. Try to leave it in the crib. So when he wakes up from his nap or in the morning the paci stays in the crib and the child comes out of the crib. That way you don’t have your child sucking on that pacifier all day long. That can cause speech issues and you just don’t want your child sucking on it all day long. Once your child is three, you want to remove it. You can go cold turkey and throw a “paci goodbye party” and ship it off to Mickey Mouse, or give it to another baby. Or you can, what parents do, with slowly start chipping at it away. So some parents start slowly chipping away at the pacifier cutting little holes slowly, slowly until the child realizes; ‘yuck, I don’t like this paci’ and they hand it over to mommy.
Loveys and blankies
Now let’s talk about lovies and blinkies. A lovey is basically a blankie with a little animal attached, like those little elephants or girraffes attached to a small little blankie. Blankie or lovey should always be small, breathable, and light. Another suggestion would be buy a lovie or blankie that you can buy more of. Why? Because if you have Mr. Blankie, and two years later, we leave Mr. Blankie at the park, and then we cannot find Mr. Blankie. And we give a new Mr. Blankie to our son. Believe me, he’s not going to like Mr. New Blankie. Why? Cause Mr. New Blankie isn’t like Mr. Old Blankie. It doesn’t feel the same, it doesn’t taste the same. And believe me, these kids know the difference between a new and an old blankie. Even if it’s the same brand. While I suggest you getting more of the same one, I’m going to tell you, rotate them. Constantly rotate them. Wash and rotate. So that there’s four or five of the same blankie or same lovey and your child isn’t attached to one. They’re attached to all five of the same kind and you’re constantly rotating them, so if you lose one you’re okay.
I like introducing the lovies and blinkies as early as a newborn stage. A great way to do that is perhaps having it between you and your child while you’re feeding him. Or putting a lovey next to them when they’re in the stroller and you’re walking them outside. Even during nap, if you have them in the swing, you can put their lovey or blankie next to them. Holding, rocking in the carrier, in the stroller, and the swing. You can slowly start exposing your child to that lovey and blankie. You should hold it that blankie and lovey a little bit, so that starts getting the scent of the parent. Once your child is of sleep training age, here’s where you have the option of continuing giving your child a lovey and blankie during sleep or not. So the AAP does not recommend anything in the crib under the age of one. So some parents will either 1. Not give a child a lovey or blankie and wait until they’re one years old. 2. Some parents will give the child the lovey and blankie when they’re falling asleep, but once they’ve fallen asleep, remove it. .3. Some parents will give the child the lovie or blankie during the day, but not at night. Or 4. Some parents will give the child a lovie or blankie once they’re older, between six to nine months. And they find that it is okay for their child to have a lovey or blankie in their crib. Definitely a personal choice.
As far as when to remove it? I find that removing the lovey or the blankie is more of a natural progression with the child. The child might even keep it for years later to show their kids. But as far as needing it to sleep, I find that the child will eventually not need it. And really there’s no harm in having a lovey or blankie in their bed. My boys still use theirs. My seven year old, my 10 year old and my 12 year old. But here is the difference; my 12 year old, if he doesn’t have it, he’s okay. If he sleeps out at grandma’s house, it’s okay. He doesn’t need it. But he still likes to keep it because again, there’s still some sense of security and it does have a special meaning for him.
Thumb sucking
The last thing, which is not an object, but it is a form of self soothing is the thumb-sucking. So some parents also have a love-hate relationship with thumb-sucking. Some parents love it. Some parents hate it. They find that if their child is sucking their thumb, that they will never be able to remove it. And that is wrong. Now you’re not going to physically remove the thumb from your child, but you can work on a behavioral approach to teach your child how to fall asleep without the thumb at an inappropriate age. So what age is that? Four years and older. At four or older, you can work with your child to stop the habit of sucking their thumb to fall asleep. You create a chart and you work one-on-one with your child on teaching them how not to depend on the thumb.
As far as needing to suck on something, not every child needs that. So a lot of parents will say, I don’t want to get rid of the pacifier because my child will suck their thumb. Or I’d rather them suck their thumb than the pacifier. I will say that some kids don’t need this sucking sensation. Some will do it, some will just need to hold something, smell something, touch. You know, every child is different.
So really security objects can be anything that gives your child a sense of security. It can also be a stuffed animal. If there’s a small, plush, stuffed animal that is safe for your child, and she’s one, two, three years old, by all means you can give that to her. My oldest son, loved Curious George. Had a little stuffed animal that he got attached to. Believe me, I went out and bought three or four more of the same one, and we constantly rotated them, and he had little Georgie in his crib when he would sleep.
So find what works for your child. Whether it’s a blankie, a pacifier, the thumb. Something to give your child a sense of security and safeness when they’re going into the crib to go to sleep.
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