Hi, this is Linda Szmulewitz owner of Sleep Tight Consultants. Today on the Sleepy Qs podcast we’re going to be talking about the challenges that have arisen with children’s sleep that have come up as it relates to the COVID-19 pandemic and how this is really impacting families and their overall sleep.
Before we get into our discussion though I wanted to just make sure that I remind you to post your five-star review if you have enjoyed this podcast so that we can keep making all of this great content for you. And also, please, don’t forget to send in your questions. You can do that on our website at www.sleepyqs.com. We would be happy to answer any of your questions here on one of our episodes.
So before I get into how the pandemic has really had an impact on sleep and children and their parents, as an extension, I just first wanted to acknowledge that this has been tremendously hard on everyone. It’s hard on really everybody in different age categories, but particularly parents have had to deal with a lot of increased stressors as it relates to the pandemic. It doesn’t really matter how old your child is there are challenges at every age, as it relates to things that have come up just in the last year, at this point,
Beween Jess and I, we have six children. She has the majority of them. But they are anywhere from ages 2 up through 6 and 10 and they’re two 12 year olds and a 15 year old. And so we have really a wide range of children ourselves, and we have seen how this pandemic has really impacted the kids at all different ages. Not to mention obviously families that have babies are really being challenged by this as well.
So I really think that everybody needs a lot of acknowledgement in terms of how they’re dealing with this and just, you know, any sort of gold star award for even just getting through the last year. you know, everybody from new parents who maybe learn to not anticipate parenting, being like this, who course due to limited supports are not able to maybe have family come and help them, are not able to bring in paid support, might as they might’ve expected to be able to and so our really starting parenthood in a very isolated manner.
The pandemic has been especially tough on parents of toddlers
Parents of toddlers are really struggling. I actually think that toddlers are the most difficult age right now to be really helping manage through the pandemic. This is a difficult age group anyway. And then on top of it toddlers are people who like to have a lot of activity, they like a lot of attention, understandably. And they also really like their routines and the pandemic really has disrupted a lot of that. So kids have been pulled out of childcare and school and things that were really very familiar to them. And so all of that disruption really has a huge impact on many areas of life overall. I actually think that there should be some sort of a service that just automatically delivers alcohol to all parents of toddlers at about five o’clock every day. It arrives at your door because, you know, somebody recognized that you probably need a drink at that point in time. And so toddlers have ever really struggled with this. Of course, school aged children and teens, not being able to spend time with friends and having that sort of socialization has had a huge impact.
And. Parents. I mean, parents, we’re not getting any downtime. We’re not getting the support that we need. And there’s very little balance between life and work. It’s all happening in the same place, often on top of itself. And we’re not able to be functional adults in many cases. And we’re not able to have that really ever important time to ourselves possibly at the end of the day. So all of these are things that have really impacted every area of life as it relates to the pandemic.
A lot of the issues that I’ve seen arise over the last year related to the pandemic are, are things that I think sometimes parents might not necessarily recognize as being pandemic related. But are things that from sort of an outside perspective, given that I’ve been doing this for almost 10 years at this point, I are just things that I’ve seen come up more and more lately. And I think in some cases, parents may not necessarily realize that these things are a bit out of the ordinary, but I’m able to sort of look at them from, like I said, that outsider perspective to know that these are not things that I see in, in most instances. Maybe quite as often.
More extended nursing
One of the things that I’ve really seen come up recently is that moms are nursing for much longer periods of time than they had expected to be. So maybe this is a second child or a third child, and with an older child you breastfed for a year or maybe it was six months, but then you were going back into the office and pumping, just wasn’t really working at that point. And so you ended up weaning earlier and now with mom’s home all the time, there’s a lot more long-term nursing that I’m saying, which is not necessarily a problem. I am indicating that this is a problem. I’m just saying that this is something that is more unusual than I have actually seen it happen in the past.
And it’s really related to the fact that moms are just there all the time. And anybody who has tried to wean a child from breastfeeding over about 18 months old, or sometimes even just over a year old know that sometimes the best way to do this is to be a little bit more scarce, but there’s just. Nowhere where to go and being around all the time, you might be like, Oh, I’m here, sir.
Fine. I’ll nurse you no big deal. And the next thing you know, your child is pushing three years old and you realize, Oh, we’re still nursing. And if that is not a problem for you, that’s totally fine. I have absolutely no issue with that. It’s just something that I’ve noticed is, is happening more often.
Bottle refusal
Another thing that actually is somewhat tangentially related is that a lot of babies are refusing to take a bottle because again, their mom is around all the time, and this is something that comes up a lot in the new moms groups that I run, in The Chicago New Moms Group, where a mom will say that, you know, she’s been working on getting her baby to take a bottle. She’s going back to work. She’s starting to really worry because the baby’s refusing the bottle and, you know, she doesn’t know what to do. And there are a lot of tactics that I’ll have parents work on. And I’ve actually referred out to feeding therapists in some cases when this is become a particularly big problem, and mom’s about to go back to work. And she’s really worried about how the baby’s going to eat when she’s separate from the child. But what I’ve seen is that one of the best ways to help a baby adjust to taking a bottle is for the non-nursing parent to really be offering that bottle when the nursing mom is not around. But again, if she’s around all the time, it’s really hard to make that happen. There is no, you know, Oh, I’m going to go out for brunch, with my friends on Saturday morning. So you’re in charge and the baby is going to take a bottle because there’s no other option. But now if that baby is struggling to take the bottle, if it’s kind of a battle and mom’s right there, it’s more likely that she’s going to come in and just be like, Oh, I’m just going to nurse you. And that is easier at this point. And lo and behold, you get to, you know, a few months in and you have a three month old baby who really will not take a bottle. They get really stubborn right around three months.
There’s a family that I worked with. I’ve actually worked with all three of their children. And for the older two, they all went to daycare. Mom traveled a lot for work, so she was always coming and going. They all took bottles. They all napped at daycare. And now here comes child number three, who I believe right now is just about 15 months or so. So he was a few months old when the pandemic started and already was starting to really struggle with taking the bottle. And now he’s home all the time. He’s never gone to daycare. He never took a bottle. He also was nursing during every zoom meeting for many, many months until , we, we helped him start to also be able to sleep independently. So a lot of things, as it relates to taking the bottle and nursing that I’ve seen come up as it relates to the pandemic.
Increased separation anxiety
Another huge challenge that I’ve seen particularly with toddlers is that there’s just a lot more separation anxiety. And what this really stems from is when toddlers are now home with their parents all day long. Now they’re never being forced to ask to separate. And this could mean that maybe they’re also not napping because they refuse to nap at home. Even though they napped very well at daycare and that wasn’t really a problem, but maybe they already weren’t napping on the weekends. But now if they’re home all the time, they’re not napping any of that time. And so now what happens is that you get to bedtime and now you’re asking your toddler to separate for a longer period of time. Then you’re asking them to be separate at any other point during the day. And that’s okay big challenge for them. And so I’ve seen a lot of separation anxiety with toddlers who are just very accustomed now to being with their parents all day long. I mean, maybe they’re being entertained by a screen at some point during the day while their parents are trying to get some work done, but they’re not being dropped off at daycare or school or the parents aren’t leaving and the nanny is coming over. It’s just a lot more time with the parents, which again, this isn’t a problem. However, it can make it hard for those children to separate.
Late bedtimes
I’m also seeing a lot of later bedtimes for children in general, partially related to the fact that without having to get up and go someplace in the morning, now our children are also sleeping later. So it’s sort of cycling back and leading to later bedtime.
Less naps for toddlers
Also with toddlers as well. Now that they may not be in daycare or school, they may not be getting the same level of activity that they were used to when they were in childcare, which means that this also could lead to them, not napping as regularly.
Less activity/less stimulation
Toddlers need an intense amount of activity in some cases. Not all, but certainly some really have to kind of wear them out before they’ll be ready to take a nap. I actually remember years ago when I was pregnant with my son, my daughter was three and I was so desperate for her to nap because I needed to take a nap while she was napping. And I remember taking her to a park regularly that had a big open field and just running her through the field so that she was tired enough to be able to take a nap that day. And I definitely looked like a giant, crazy pregnant woman running through the field with her toddler chasing her. But you know, you gotta do what you gotta do.
So now here we are with, you know, kids being out of school and not having that same level of activity. I mean, it’s very hard to replicate a classroom full of toddlers and the level of activity that comes from a classroom full of toddlers when it’s just you as the parents. It’s a lot of stimulation that they’re used to, that it’s really not possible for you to reproduce on your own. And so now they may have a harder time napping or even settling to go to sleep at bedtime without that level of activity that they were used to from before.
Less on the go naps
I’ve also seen more and more babies who are not sleeping on the go. Now you’re probably thinking Linda, you’re a sleep consultant. Don’t you want babies sleeping in cribs and bassinets and not in car seats and strollers and carriers. And yes, of course, ultimately sleeping with motion does put your brain in a lighter stage of sleep. And so the sleep isn’t as restorative. But for newborns in particular, it’s really hard sometimes to sleep only in a crib or only in a bassinet for naps during the day. And usually in normal times, you might have places to go.
You might be picking up or dropping off an older child from school or daycare so the baby might be sleeping in a car seat and it might actually take a pretty good nap in that environment. It’s not something that you’re going to be doing at night, obviously. But they might have a nap on the way to, drop an older child at elementary school in the morning, or you might be going for more walks in the neighborhood. So your child’s in the stroller more and they’re napping like that. And that’s actually fine, especially for newborns. Sleep on the go is better than no sleep at all. And it’s kind of overrated to be able to put your child in that sleeping space and expect that they’re going to sleep easily like that, especially in the newborn phase.
Yes. As you’re moving past four to six months, I’m always working with families on making sure that children are learning those independent sleep skills in their sleep space, where you want them to be sleeping. But in the beginning, napping in the carrier or a stroller or a car seat is okay to do, especially as you get towards the end of the day and you get into witching hour and those naps become harder to come by. That’s a really good way to make a nap happen. And without anywhere to go, that’s happening less and less. Of course, here in Chicago also, it’s dark, it’s cold in the early evening times. So that makes it even harder to do those things.
More disrupted routines
Another thing of course is that there’s just a lot of disruption to life in general. So it’s really hard to be consistent if you are trying to adhere to a sleep plan when a parent is sick. People are obviously getting sick. They’re getting COVID. Sometimes the kids are getting sick, which thankfully they’re not usually as sick as the parents may be, but it’s really hard when you’re so exhausted and your body’s fighting illness to follow through with your plans of consistency. Sometimes only one parent is doing all of the caretaking and that’s putting a lot of pressure on that parent while the other parent might be quarantined.
And also then there are daycare and school openings and closings, which is going to be disruptive and throw things off. And sometimes nannies can be out for long periods of time due to illness, or even just awaiting test results. So these are all things that are going to be really disruptive.
So I just wanted to end by saying that everybody who has been parenting in the last year, you deserve all the credit that should be given to you. His has been a really rough year. Hopefully we’re starting to see some relief. Hopefully things are going to start to return to some level of normalcy. But in the meantime, you’re doing the best you can. You’re doing a great job and you’re just surviving and that is totally fine. Please cut yourself as much slack as you can.
Thanks for listening into today’s Sleepy Q’s podcast episode. As I said earlier, please, don’t hesitate to send us your questions. We’re happy to answer them here on our next episode.
