Hi, this is Jessica Sawicki from Luli Sleep Consulting. And today, on the Sleepy Q’s podcast, we’re going to be talking about newborn sleep. Newborn sleep being those first three to four months. Having a newborn is extremely exhausting! Whether it’s our first, second or third, or in my case, fourth, a newborn is really exhausting. The sleep is really inconsistent. There’s no rhyme or reason. There’s no schedule. And the lack of sleep can really take a toll on us parents. So I’m going to go over: What to expect those first few months. What type of sleep the newborn baby does both day and night. And tips on how to survive those first few months.
There are no bad habits
So first off, note that there are no bad habits with your baby those first three to four months. Our babies cannot self-soothe at such a young age. So we are supposed to do everything we can to help our child fall asleep. So please, please do not worry if your baby is falling asleep in your arms!
I also always tell parents to make sure that you spend those first few weeks resting and recovering, and bond with your baby. This is the time where you can hold your baby and you should be holding your baby a lot; to have that one-on-one time with your baby. Remember, there are no bad habits and we’re in survival mode. We’re just trying to make it through the day, hour by hour.
Normal newborn sleep
So what does newborn sleep look like? Their sleep will fluctuate a lot those first few months. They will go through growth spurts or sleep progressions that can cause shifts in their sleep as well. Their growth spurts happening at three, six and nine weeks, and then regressions happening at three months and at four months. They need a total of about 16 hours in a 24 hour period. And know that they can not sleep longer than two to three hour stretches. They spend a lot of their time in light sleep, which causes those frequent wake-ups. How often are frequent wake-ups? In the first month, you should expect 3-4x a night. In the second month, you should expect 2-3 wake-ups a night. And by four months you can expect 1-2 wake ups at night.
Wake ups are normal and essential
Why is your baby waking up? Great question! Research suggests that the frequent wake-ups are essential for their survival. They’re signaling a need. They’re trying to regulate their temperature, they’re regulating their breathing when they’re waking up. They’re telling you they’re hungry, or they just want that one-on-one contact. So we want to respond to our newborn when they’re waking up in the middle of the night, because they are signaling a need. A lot of parents will say, well, my baby’s waking up far too often. Well, again, the newborn sleep is very inconsistent, right? So one night you’ll have two wake ups, one night you’ll have four wake ups. But I do suggest looking at your baby’s daytime. So their daytime sleep and their daytime feeds. So for their daytime feeds, you want to make sure that they’re feeding well; are they getting enough? Did they skip a feed because they were sleeping? Just make sure that they’re getting enough feeds during the day so that they’re not waking up at night, looking for that feed.
Naps will not be predictable
Now the daytime sleep; it doesn’t really consolidate until they’re a little bit older, until they’re about five or six months old. So in the beginning, those first three to four months, you’re not really going on a daytime schedule. You’re going based on their awake window. A newborn can be up for about an hour at a time, sometimes 90 minutes. You want to make sure that if your child was up, look at the clock, and then determine that in the next hour to an hour and a half, you want to get your newborn back to sleep. And again, doing anything you can do. Remember that calm days really equal calm nights. So try not to overstimulate your child, because too much stimulation for the newborns can cause really rough nights. Don’t focus on nap being the same time every single day, rather focus on how long they’d been awake for and when they need to go to sleep.
Once your child is between the ages of three to four months, you’ll start seeing a little bit more of a predictability in their sleep. You will start seeing that their day sleep starts slowly forming into four to five naps a day, and their awake window will stretch a little bit more to one and a half hours. Some babies at about four months old can handle a six hour stretch at night. Also at this age, their lights sleep slowly starts dropping off, and more deep sleep occurs. Around four months is when they start producing melatonin. And this is when things start changing. They will hit a four month regression. Their sleep cycles change. They’ll have more complete awakenings. There’s neurological and physiological changes and developmental changes too. So don’t worry. This is absolutely normal.
Knowing that your newborn’s baby is a little inconsistent those first few months, what can you do to try to help you get through those first few months? I’m going to go over 10 helpful tips.
Back to sleep, tummy to play
The first one is: back to sleep, tummy to play. Always make sure that you’re putting your baby on their back to sleep. But make sure you do a lot of tummy time during the day for playtime. Tummy time is essential for them. It will help for their sleep. They’ll learn how to lift their head up, look over and turn over.
Learn what works for your child
Two: find what soothing techniques work for your baby. I strongly suggest to find what works for your baby. Every baby is different, so find what works. One example is Harvey Karp’s 5 S’s; swaddling, shushing, sucking, side holding, or swing. Doctor Karp’s 5 S’s really mimic the womb. The swaddle is that tight hold. The swing that movement really helps lull a baby to sleep. And the sucking, whether it’s a pacifier, a breast, a nipple of the bottle, anything really helps the baby.
Create a sleep environment
The third thing is, I would suggest you setting up a sleep environment. A sleep space for your baby. Now whether your baby sleeps in your room or her own room, that’s up to you. But you really want to create that sleep environment for your baby. Make sure the room is dark. The right temperature. It’s quiet. And you can even use a white noise machine.
Establish a consistent/flexible routine
Number four; establish consistent yet flexible schedules. Understand that in the beginning, there will not be an exact schedule. So allow for that flexibility. Note that they’re only “schedule” in the beginning are really those awake windows and those feeding windows. Your baby will fluctuate a lot as far as their feeding schedule the first few months. But if you have your baby feeding every three hours, make sure to wake your baby up during the day to feed every three hours. The other part of the schedule is the sleep window. Again, remember that your baby can only handle about an hour at a time being awake. So that will help you determine when the next nap is.
Straighten out days and nights
Distinguish night versus day. This is a very important thing because a lot of times newborns confuse day versus night. So a way to avoid this is, expose your baby during the day to sunlight. Bring them out on walks. Bring them by the window if you can’t go outside because it’s too cold. Turn on the lights. Put music on during the day, some sweet lullabies in the background can help. At night, when it’s time to sleep, make sure that the room is dark and quiet. If you’re doing a night feed, make sure not to interact with your baby too much. Keep the lights on dim, do the quick feed, and back to sleep.
Learn your child’s awake window
Another helpful tip is, really respecting that daytime sleep in naps. So again, there won’t be an exact schedule in the beginning for their naps, but you’ll know how long they can be awake for, and that will help you determine the naps. Those naps are really important, so make sure that they happen. Remember, calmer days, will give you calmer nights. Try to assist them to sleep and even back to sleep. So if your baby wakes up after a 10 minute nap and seems really tired, help them to go back to sleep.
Develop a bedtime routine
Number seven: develop a bedtime routine. I strongly suggest developing a bedtime routine as early as six weeks. This is a great way to introduce bedtime routine and will help eventually set up healthy sleep habits. The routine that I love are the four B’s. So at six weeks, what that would look like is, you would do a bath. Then you would do a bottle or breast. And at that point, sometimes you can do a book and then bed. But if your baby has fallen asleep at the bottle or breasts, that’s totally fine. You will put her down completely asleep in her crib, and then she will sleep. If your baby is still awake after the feed, you absolutely can read her one or two books and then swaddle and put her down to sleep.
Drowsy but awake
Number eight: drowsy but awake. This is a very big term in sleep training, and a lot of people throw this term out, but not many people know what that means. Drowsy but awake means your child is a little bit drowsy, but awake enough to know what is going on when they go down into their crib to sleep. This is important for sleep training, but you can absolutely start practicing as early as six to eight weeks. I suggest you starting at night, not during the day, because during the day is a little bit harder. And practice it at bedtime. So after your feed, when you’re done, if your baby’s awake and you’ve swaddled her and you’ve burped her and she’s calm, put her down completely awake with her swaddle and her pacifier, and see if she’ll fall asleep. Now she’s awake. She’s probably a little bit drowsy. She feels happy cause she’s already fed and she’s got the swaddle and the pacifier to help her. If she ends up falling asleep, then success! You’ve done it. You can try again tomorrow. Now if she starts crying, do not let her cry too much. Pick her up, rock her, hold her, pat her.
Find times to rest for yourself
Number nine is: sleep when your baby sleeps. Ha! Everyone says that, right? But I really suggest you doing that. We don’t know how long your baby’s going to nap this time around. Will she nap 10 minutes? Will she nap an hour? And so really just focus on resting when she does. Cause you’re going to need that energy again when she wakes up.
Ask for help
And my last helpful tip is the most important: ask for help, both personal and professional. So personal being, “I need to go shower, can you hold the baby?” “Hey, I don’t have dinner ready, can you please pick up some dinner for me?” And professional. We are going through so many hormonal and physical changes as a mom and even as a dad. Having a newborn is exhausting. So if you feel that you need to seek professional help, whether it’s a lactation consultant, whether it’s a pediatrician, whether it’s a therapist. Anything to help you transition with this newborn.
If there’s anything that you should take away from this podcast is, newborn sleep is very inconsistent. It will fluctuate a lot those first three to four months. And please remember that there are no bad habits! You can hold, and rock, and feed your child to sleep all you want those first three to four months. In fact, I’d tell you, take advantage because once your child hits sleep training age, you won’t be able to do that anymore.
