Hi, this is Jessica Sawicki from Luli Consulting and on today’s Sleepy Q’s podcast, we’re going to be talking about a topic that I know all too well; room sharing. So from a very young age, I’ve had my two older boys sharing a room. Since they were about two or three years old. And now they’re 10 and 12 and recently I’ve also added my third son in that room. So now I have three boys sharing a room which is what we like to call the frat house. That’s right. Three boys in one room and my youngest girl in her own room. So you might think to yourself, “Oh my God, it must be craziness and everyone is up all night.” No, not in this house. I know this sounds very scary to you. Many parents are scared of having one child waking the other one up. But if it’s done correctly, there shouldn’t be any problems. So in today’s podcast, I’ll go over when to do this, how do I address kids with different sleep issues? What the room should look like, and how to tackle the different bedtimes and schedules with more than one child.
The right time
So let’s talk about when is the right time? First off, you want to make sure that both kids are sleeping well. You want to have two great sleepers sleeping in the same room. If one is having sleep issues, you don’t want to put them in the same room together. The next thing is, I would suggest that the youngest child be at least six months or older. Why? Because usually a baby of six months or older is, and can be sleeping through the night and won’t have any wake-ups to wake the other child up. And lastly, if you’re putting two siblings together, try not to do this big change around another big change. A move or a new sibling, or potty training.
You don’t want to couple a big change with another big change. So what do we do if one is having sleep issues or both are having sleep issues? So if one of them is having sleep issues, like I said, you want to address their issues first and then put them in the room with their sibling. So if you have one good sleeper and one bad sleeper, you want to address the one with the sleep issues first and then put them in the room together.
Separate for sleep training
So if you don’t have an extra room to be able to separate them, a suggestion would be bringing in the good sleeper into your room because chances are the good sleepers, a little bit more flexible, address the child with the sleep issues, and then bring back the good sleeper into their room. So separate them and bring the good sleeper into your room and then put them back together. If they’re both having sleep issues, then you can actually address both their issues in one room. So you don’t have to separate them. Now, what should the room look like? How can you accommodate more than one child?
Sleep environment
So, first off, I will make sure that each child have their own sleep space: a bed or a crib. The room should be dark, but if the older child wants or needs a small nightlight, you can absolutely use one. Just make sure that the light is small and not so bright. Third, is I would use a noise machine. Noise machines are great, especially in this situation when you have more than one child in a room and you want to drown out that other noise. Lastly, I would use a behavioral clock, especially for the older child. This will really help teach the child when it is okay to wake up, and when it is time for bedtime.
Different schedules
How do you address more than one child with different schedules and bedtimes? So first and foremost, do not combine bedtimes just because they have the same room. So what does that mean? If one child has a seven o’clock bedtime and the other child has an eight o’clock bedtime, do not just put them both down at eight o’clock. You want to put the child that needs a seven o’clock bedtime down first, and then put the child with the eight o’clock bedtime. So for instance in my house, my six-year-old goes to bed between 8:00 and 8:15. I put him down first, then I walk out and then around 8:45, when my older kids need to go to sleep, then we come into their room and put them down.
I would have a conversation with the older child, explain to them that now there’ll be sharing a room with their younger sibling and that they need to be quiet and respect the sleep habits. So when they’re in their room, try to fall asleep quietly. Try not to make too much noise. In the mornings when they walk out at the correct wake-up time, walk out quietly. Just so that they’re aware of the new situation and how they have a new sibling in the room, they really want to be respectful of that. And so I’m sure you’re asking yourself, what do I do about the middle of the night wake ups.
So again, make sure you address those issues prior to having them in the same room, but I understand that sometimes things will happen. The one suggestion I’m going to give you is to remain consistent. A lot of parents start getting worried about one child waking up the other. And so they’ll run in and scoop them up or take them out or rock them or feed them a bottle in order to avoid the other child waking up. And this is something that I strongly suggest against. You want to remain consistent anytime your child wakes up. Respond consistently, and make sure that you don’t start creating new bad habits. And don’t worry about the noise level. They definitely learn how to tune each other out.
Special sibling time before sleeping
For the older kids, if they’re both going to sleep at the same time, but they do like to talk and you know that is the fun part of bedtime. Going into bed and then after the routine, having those few minutes of talking, that’s okay. Try to make sure that you set a limit. Let the kids know that they only have 10 or 15 minutes. And if you have to put a timer, you can. Allow for some flexibility, but make sure that there’s still some guidelines and boundaries.
So just remember, you can absolutely put your kids together in one room, just make sure that you address it correctly and there shouldn’t be any problems.
